Feeding anger about things we can’t control is distracting, and while that is sometimes exactly why we do it, it doesn’t make our lives any better.
The above sentence was a closing comment I just made on a message board and I think it is something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. Maybe the reason I’ve noticed this with people so much recently is because I need to remember it. (I do get that.) In the hopes that my introspection will help you, here are some reasons why I get into misdirected anger …
1. Being angry about something I can’t control distracts me from dealing with something I want to ignore. I should be dealing with it, I can have an impact, but I don’t want to deal with it so I divert my energy onto something else that is futile and drains my thoughts.
2. Being angry that others are not doing what they can/should be doing to address their problems is both a distraction (see #1), and it is a way of consoling myself … at least I don’t that, I would do that differently etc. Their problems may be ones I have and/or are willing to address, so I can pretend that I deal with all of my issues since I deal with THOSE issues.
3. Distracted anger keeps me angry. If I delve too much into why I am really angry, I’ll find that I feel hurt.
Anger masks pain, and until I am willing to deal with the pain, until I am willing to know my real intentions, until I am willing to move forward, it’s just easier to stay angry and the best way for me to stay angry is to be angry about something I can’t control.
There is no end to that anger.
Copyright © 2009, Lisa Wagner